I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
