Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
