So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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