I have demons in me.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
