Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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