It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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