im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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