The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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