I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
