Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
