I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
