Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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