omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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