6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
