Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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