Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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