And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
sarcasm needs its own font
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
