I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Of course I have a pirate flag
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
