Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Come see our sink grown plant.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
They are going to name an STD after you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
