I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
