So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
