I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
