i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
