I think I died a long time ago.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
