if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
