It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
