Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
