she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
