i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
