Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
