My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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