my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
