Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
