someone owes me an orgasm
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
