I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
