i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
