Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
