Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
