He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
