Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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