my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
