White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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