I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
