Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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