It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
