How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
