My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
