apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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