his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
