just come out here and I will go home with you...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
