I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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