We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
