there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
