Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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