whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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