I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
