I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
