Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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