Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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