dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
