I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
